Grief is a natural part of life.
Grief is a natural part of life. Different people experience it differently and even different cultures experience it differently . Some say there are 5 stages of grief some say there are 7 stages of grief. I am not here to say one is right or the other is wrong. The purpose of this article is awareness of the various stages of grief that one can go through. As one moves from one stage to the next one it does not mean it is complete and will not return, it may well return and that is okay. Everyones experience is unique and different and that is okay. If one experiences one loss after another without time to adjust in-between it can be very challenging. I send love to all that are experience grief and loss and trust that it empowers you to keep going and to evolve in to more of the light that you are as you move through this time.
Here is how I see and have experienced the various stages of grief. Before I go into them I just want to say that though I have numbered them, the stages and occur in the a different order, can repeat, can loop and some may not even be experienced and some may experience a stage that I did not and haven’t shared below. All of this is okay as everyone is unique and hence everyones experience can and will be different.
1. Shock: This is an initial paralysis, a place of disbelief or when the being just freezes as it is too much to taken in, so to do its best to survive the moment the news, the being goes into shock and just freeze. Some people literally stop in their tracks and can’t really engage, others continue on autopilot as if there are not aware or affected. I have done both and yo-yoed in between too.
2. Denial : Then comes denial when you know what you have heard or seen or become aware of but you are in denial, as it is too much to believe to accept someone could have done or be happening. This is often a state of avoidance where one does not want to engage or talk about it. One prefers to pretend it is not happening. There can also be a feeling of confusion here. “did they really do that? Did he really say that about me? Are they really doing that? Is that really going on? It is avoiding the inevitable. Can’t believe what happened happened. Can’t be that bad. They did not mean it. Can’t be happening!
3. Anger: This is a time when how one is feeling really becomes apparent and is felt. There can be frustration, irritation and anxiety as well as anger. The suppressed feelings are pouring out. Here is is important not to suppress the anger felt and not to go into rage, but to find a healthy and appropriate way of expressing anger so that it can be released in a healthy way. Thoughts can be: Is this possible? How did this happen? How could she! etc.
4. Negotiating & dialogue: This is the time when one struggles to find meaning in the experience but it trying. Some times reaching out to others, sharing ones story. Seeking a way out. Thinking, Maybe if I just do … some miracle will happen to show me nothing different needs to be done. All is forgiven, I give you what you want, please don’t go. This is an important time to choose people that can listen to you without judgement and with compassion and be present to your experience and how you are feeling.
5. Depression & Detachment: This can be a time of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, hostile. In an attempt to take care of oneself, to protect oneself, it may be a time of detachment or even moving away from people and places.
Thoughts can be, Best keep what I have as I will not get anything better. No one loves me. Everyone hates me. Everyone abandons me.
6. Acceptance: This comes when one has started to experience more acceptance of what has been experienced, one is no longer questioning the loss. One has accepted the loss and is now exploring options of how to move forward with this acceptance. This can be a time of seeking realistic solutions of how to continue in life, how to move forward. For some detachment and moving away is the only way to deal with the loss. For others it is finding a new way where one is, and creating a new way of being. This can also be a very emotionally painful time as one is accepting what is and has been. So one can go into anger and depression again, as one moves through acceptance and this is okay. Though the process of acceptance one creates a new plan for oneself to move forward into, finally finding a way forward.
7. Returning to a meaningful life: In time, and this time is different for everyone, and that is okay. In time one finds a new found sense of empowerment, self-security, self-esteem and meaning. One realises that one is wiser for the experience/s and moves forward as a new version themselves, as one realises that loss and grief and huge catalysts for change. That change is an opportunity to grow and evolve ones consciousness, to be more connected to ones intuition and to move into living a more authentic life that ever before, attracting new relationships, discovering new strengths, new hopes and dreams.
Sending love to you as as you navigate this time in your life.